You guys? I have been keeping a tiny little, very scary, yet OH SO big and amazing secret from you.
I can hardly believe the words as I type them.
I've been a little scared to share this information with you because I know that as some of you read it, your heart will break a little bit. And my heart breaks with you, for you. I'm so sorry that we all have to go through this. Over 3 1/2 years of TTC, even through losing Mya and the many pregnancy announcements within the same week that I lost her, I won't claim to have jumped up and down in excitement, but I *can* say that I was always overjoyed for the person. I never deleted a blog because they got pregnant. I tried to find hope in their excitement. I always try to look at it in a sense that there is not a fixed amount of happiness in the universe. Just because one person got their BFP, it didn't mean that they took up one spot that should have been for me. Sometimes it can seem that way, but I tried to keep positive and take strength from their joy. And I hope you will do that, too, but I fully and completely understand if it's just too hard to read.
I will also be very upfront that I won't not blog about my pregnancy. I plan to keep this blog pretty much the same as it has been, but I won't forego the posts about pregnancy.
So, that's my disclaimer. Now, if you're still sticking around, I say THANK YOU!
I am beyond shocked and thrilled. We did NOT expect this to happen in the first month trying since losing Mya. But I have to say it again, Dr. J IS a Miracle Worker! I can't tell you guys how thankful I am that we made the move over to him. That we took a leap of faith and switched REs. He's a man of true integrity; we entered his office ready to shell out 15K oop for IVF. He could have taken our money and ran, but he didn't. Instead, he asked us to trust him. We did, and look at where it got us! First, Mya. Now, this. All because I switched up my diet and attempted to improve my PCOS with the diet and Glumetz.a. I am not in the "obese" category. I am not a typical PCOSer and don't really have any of the typical symptoms, which makes it a little harder to treat. I am "overweight," but the change in diet (and not even that strict of a change) was what made my body respond and this is what we got. I can't even imagine the lengths that we may have gone without Dr. Miracles. In his opinion, all of the injectables cycles that we did, all of the clomid, femara, IUIs, everything else was a waste. Because if you're just feeding the cysts, your making them bigger but they're not any better quality.
Anyway, I could go on for hours about how thankful I am that we found him.
So we found out one week ago and I told my sister last week and then we told J's mom and dad last night. I didn't want to spill the beans on my blog in case somehow my MIL read this (which I hope she doesn't but you just never know).
We're going to be very cautious this time. NO announcements on facebook. NO telling friends and co-workers until we're out of the first tri. We're just taking it day by day. I have zero symptoms. Not even sore boobs, which I thought for sure I would always have. It already seems 100% different than my pgcy with Mya. I'm hoping for some m/s to kick in in the next week or so.
But, I am scared. I'm having nightmares almost nightly that I lose the baby. I have a fear that we will find out this baby also has Down syndrome. (We would obviously love it more than anything, but it is a scary thought, for sure.) I can't quite wrap my head around this good fortune. I'm sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Our 6 week u/s is on Thursday and I'm just praying that things look okay. I'm hoping for the best, but trying to remain cautiously optimistic about things.
I hope you will celebrate with us. And I hope if you are still in the thick of things, that you will find some hope from our miracle.