Saturday, February 4, 2012

"The Heart Will Soon Stop Beating..."

Those are the worst words an expectant mom could ever hear.
And they're the ones that I hear Dr. Miracles saying in a continuous loop in my mind.

My baby's heart will soon stop beating.

I hadn't yet announced the good news here on the blog, because I think there are a few IRL people who read and I didn't want the news to get out until we were out of the first trimester. I've been making YouTube videos and posting them on my blog Facebook wall.

But yes, we are pregnant.
We found out on New Years Eve at the stroke of midnight.
We were due September 7th.

9 weeks, 3 days. That's where we should be right now.

We should be rounding out the first trimester.
I should be shopping for Big Sister shirts for Wren.
We should be starting to think about nurseries, names, baby buys.
I should be cleaning out my closet and moving in the maternity wear.

Instead, we're preparing for another miscarriage.

We are heart broken, but taking comfort and finding smiles through our most miraculous gift. Wren makes this entire process bearable. I find myself nuzzling her little neck and just taking her in. Every funny, quirky little thing about my bird...I am cherishing it.

I made the video below discussing the entire pregnancy up until when we found out we will lose it. The D&C will be next Thursday. In the meantime, the baby inside of me will cease to grow. It's heart will soon stop beating...

25 comments:

  1. My heart breaks for you!! I'm so very sorry! **hugs**

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  2. Prayers going out to you from Topeka, KS!

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  3. So very sorry for your loss. I'm glad your finding comfort in your little girl.

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  4. I am very new to following your blog but I wanted to say I am so so sorry you are having to go through this. Having a baby at home might take some of the sting away but I'm sure it is still heartbreaking all the same to have to go through. Thinking of you!

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  5. Oh no, Sweet C, I'm so very sorry. I am so glad that Wren is bringing you a little comfort. Thinking of you.

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  6. I am so so so sorry, love. xoxo

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  7. Oh Christina, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you during this difficult time, praying you feel strength & support as you grieve.

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  8. Oh Christina, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you during this difficult time, praying you feel strength & support as you grieve.

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  9. I am so so very sorry, Christina! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  10. This brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  11. I am so sorry. I can only imagine your heartache right now. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  12. I am so very sorry! Many pt&p's to you.

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  13. I am so sorry. Words really aren't enough. ((hugs))

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  14. I'm so sorry Christina! Keeping you guys in my prayers.

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  15. I'm so sorry. Love and light.

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  16. Very sorry for your loss , (((hugs)))..

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  17. I am really sorry. I read your blog but don't comment a lot - I experienced a miscarriage late in 2011 and it's just heartbreaking. No words can ease your pain, as you know, but I am very, very sorry for your loss.

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  18. I'm so sorry to hear your news. Our second miscarriage was similar - had a heartbeat but was a little low, so had another scan a week later and it was so slow they knew it would end up stopping.

    *hugs*

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  19. I'm so very sorry to be reading this. It's not the post that I thought I would have to read... I'm so very sorry for this. Squeeze Wren a little harder tonight... just because she's yours.

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  20. Ugh!!! I am so heartbroken for you! This brings back so many of the emotions from my miscarriage in October 2011. Although, the doctor never told me that the heart would stop beating, we had all the same signs and I think I knew in my pit. It makes me want to be sick. Just this past week I had a horrible scare and thought we were losing another baby. Miracles do happen and as of now, I'm pregnant with twins (hoping to hear TWO heartbeats this coming Sat). I am hoping and praying for you. I won't say any of the cliche things that you say to someone that is miscarrying. I know you know all of them. I agree that being a mom already helps. Everything about miscarrying SUCKS but having a sweet baby to remind you of the good in life is such a gift. I hope that the D&C goes smoothly and you can start the healing process. {{{HUGS}}}

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  21. Oh Christina..I was so hoping your "coming out" story would have a different outcome..as I know you were also..I am so sorry you are experiencing this again..Give Wren a giant squeeze tonight..and know that it will happen..Dr. Miracles will make good on his name again. Sending much love your way.

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